June 30, 2007, what I want in cable

This is what I would like to see in a cable channel:

The channel must air TV episodes or movies in their entirety. No deleting scenes to make room for commercials. It used to be that syndicated reruns were shown for the public’s enjoyment, now it’s just for the commercials. In other words, commercials are now scheduled with TV shows to fit in between them, rather than TV shows being inserted with commercials.

No more squishing and speeding up of closing credits. I don’t need to see a promo for something else while the credits are rolling, especially if I am trying to see the name of an actor or actress who had caught my attention during the program.

For all episodes of a TV series to be shown. I know that some episodes of older series are considered politically incorrect now, and if needed, just have a little warning at the beginning of the episode. I would also like for the episodes to be shown in order of original airdate, not by “theme.” Thirdly, no marathons of a series in one day, then another marathon of another program another day. Those are boring after awhile, especially if you want to watch a favorite program at the same time every day.

For more obscure shows to be shown, or those that have been out of circulation or distribution for awhile. Absolutely no Andy Griffith, Beaver, I Love Lucy or the first six seasons of Bonanza. The entire population of Earth is tired of seeing them. I suspect that each of these particular programs, from the moment they went into reruns in the late 60s or early 70s, have probably had episodes that have aired a total of 100,000 times each around the planet. And you can add any Law & Order to that list--that series is getting close in airtime to the above older ones.

As an extension of that, to show reruns of programs made from about 1955 to 1999. You can have more recent programming too, but not such an emphasis on it. Have an equal amount of programming from all the decades.

During a 24-hour period, to have a show air only once during that day. In other words, no program being shown at both 9 a.m. and 9 p.m.

More obscure theatrical films that haven’t been in circulation for a long time. And if they originally had an R-rating, they can run overnight uncut and unedited with a warning in advance.

On a related note, for the return of long-forgotten TV movies from the 70s and 80s. Lifetime Movie Network has done it a little bit, but there are only so many “women in distress” films out there. I’d like to see the comedies, biographies, made-for-TV Christmas movies, movies based on novels and even the notorious “illness of the week” ones.

To air the old talk shows again. I realize that many of these have probably long since been taped over to reuse the tape, because that is what used to be done with them. But there have got to be some surviving Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin, Dinah Shore tapes out there! The talk shows that were about the guests were the ones I liked the best. The last folks to do that were Donny & Marie, the early Rosie O’Donnell shows and Caroline Rhea, and there hasn’t been anyone to replace that format since then. I don’t like contemporary talk shows. Either they focus on unknown slovenly idiots bringing down the IQ’s of their viewers, or they are talk shows that are about the hosts, not the guests. For instance, David Letterman, Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien all have hour-long shows. In each one, the first guest gets 5 minutes to talk, the second guest gets 5 minutes to talk, and the band featured for that night gets about 4 minutes to play their new release. In other words, the remaining 46 minutes are for commercials and the antics of the hosts. Who the hell cares?

Absolutely no reality shows of any kind in any format. Absolutely no paid programs of any kind at any time of the day.

To have a programming schedule the way TV was in the 1960s through the 1980s. For instance, one sitcom every day at 7 p.m., a second sitcom every day at 7:30 p.m., one family drama at 8 p.m. every evening, and more adult comedies at dramas after that. The channel can change its programming every six months or so, rearranging the programming, deleting some series and adding others, as time goes on.

Original programming is fine, as long as an episode of a program is shown only once during a seven-day period and the entire series isn’t repeated seven or eight times in a year. What really would be nice is the return of 26 episodes in a season, then the repeats of the episodes during the off-season.

You can have cartoons and children’s programming and/or religious programming on Saturday and Sunday mornings. I wouldn't object to that.